The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
3pm strippers are depressing
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
