He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
