Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
