one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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