dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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