Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
