Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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