whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
