It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
