he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
