Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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