Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
