she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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