Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
