and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Green mimosas i think yes
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
