everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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