I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
