Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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