Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
