The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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