you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
