we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
