sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
