god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
