He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
