This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
