don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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