we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
