This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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