So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
