You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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