dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
