i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
