I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
