When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
