that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
