Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
