Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
