I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
