Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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