please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The power of my boobs compel you
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
