I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
