it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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