and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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