Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
