she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
