You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
