I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
