I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
