In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
