I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She bit a glass in half.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
